Remembering...

As November draws near I find myself thinking about our little girl who would have been 4 years old this year.  I wonder what she would have been like, what her favorite color would have been, would she have been a tom boy or a girlie girl.  I find myself again wondering why.  Then I remember the verse God gave me before I even got pregnant with her, Psalm 77:13-15, “Your ways, O God, are holy. What god is so great as our God?  You are the God who performs miracles; you display your power among the peoples.  With your mighty arm you redeemed your people, the descendants of Jacob and Joseph.”  I remember the song that was my prayer every day:

Blessed Be Your Name

In the land that is plentiful

Where Your streams of abundance flow

Blessed be Your name

Blessed Be Your name

When I’m found in the desert place

Though I walk through the wilderness

Blessed Be Your name

Every blessing You pour out

I’ll turn back to praise

When the darkness closes in, Lord

Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord

Blessed be Your name

Blessed be the name of the Lord

Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be Your name

When the sun’s shining down on me

When the world’s ‘all as it should be’

Blessed be Your name

Blessed be Your name

On the road marked with suffering

Though there’s pain in the offering

Blessed be Your name

Every blessing You pour out

I’ll turn back to praise

When the darkness closes in, Lord

Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord

Blessed be Your name

Blessed be the name of the Lord

You give and take away

You give and take away

My heart will choose to say

Lord, blessed be Your name

I remember our most wonderful pastor/friends David and Patty and the most awesome friends EVER!  Sitting with us in silence sharing our pain.  I think of the memorial service we had and hope that it did help others there that had experienced a miscarriage.  I remember those dark days of asking God why after 10 years of infertility would he let us get pregnant and then take her away and coming to the place of complete surrender that He is God and I am not, that His word is true and that when He says He has a plan for my life, a plan to prosper and not to harm me that He means it. And then I think of all the blessings and how I can look back and see God present at every moment of that horrible week. 

I have such a hard time believing that 4 years has passed already.  Every year I think of her on the anniversary of the miscarriage and on the anniversary of my due date.  Not in a morbid way but just because she was part of me.

 2 Conrinthinas 1:3-5

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God."